Italic-Dash

     Italics are tricky to use, but not as confusing as dashes-----. Dash this but not this. Dash-Away, Dash-Away, Dash-Away all, that’s what Santa said. What am I supposed to do? It’s such a troubling issue. I think in italics, that’s what I’m told. 

     To dash or not-to-dash, that is the question. Damn-the–italics! Full dash ahead! I think. Life is full-of-problems, but none so dashing as the use of italics in the proper-way. It’s all just a trap, ready to snap. There is no answer set-in-stone.

     So much-to-do, so little-time. It’s just a dash-away to freedom if you ignore the rules. What rules? There are no rules.  I live in an italic world, and the dash is my enemy.

     Dash-it-all. Don’t-worry-about-it-just-use-italics-whenever-you’re-in-the-mood, but for-God’s- sakes don’t forget the commas.

Cliché Touché

Writers are always warned to avoid clichés when writing stories because they are overused. So I do my best to avoid them, but I thought it would be fun to write a story with as many clichés as possible. So here it is. Go ahead count them and tell me what you came up with.

Cliché Touché

It was a dark and stormy night when I walked to the coffee shop. I arrived as it was about to close, just in the nick of time. It’s said laughter is the best medicine but coffee warms your soul, which is what I needed on this dark, dank night.

            I headed back to work. I needed to finish my project or it would be lights out for me at this firm. My boss was as old as the hills, but he scared the wits out of me. I knew this job wouldn’t last an eternity. It was just a matter of time before I would be canned.

            It was easy to read between the lines. I was a diamond in the rough but he disagreed. He said I was weak as a kitten and couldn’t live up to the challenge. I finished my project with time to spare. I hoped he would like my work so we could kiss and make up but only time will tell.

            When he walked in the next morning he was quiet as a mouse. 

            “Cat got your tongue?” I asked.

            He picked up my completed project and sneered. “All that glitters isn’t gold.”

            I knew the writing’s on the wall. I was toast!

            He leaned over the desk and threw my project in the trash. “Haste makes waste.”

            I looked up and smiled without a care in the world. “That project had my blood, sweat and tears.”

            “You’re fired. Hit the road and don’t let the door hit you in the ass.”

             “I’ll be gone at the speed of light.” I walked to the door. “What goes around comes around.”

            “That’s all you got?”

            I shook my head and said. “A leopard doesn’t change its spots.”

            It was a Mexican standoff. I walked out knowing I was better off. Every cloud has a silver lining. All’s well that ends well.

            

Literally the Most Overused Word in the English Language

Exactly, precisely, unquestionably, indisputably are just a few of the words that correspond to the meaning of the word literally. When used informally, which is often the case, there seem to be no rules. Here are a few examples when literally is used for emphasis or to express strong feelings without being literally true.

     “That song is so good it literally blew my mind.” The literal translation would mean that your head is no longer attached to your body.

     “Ann literally wins ‘Words with Friends’ every time I play her.” This means you have never won a game against Ann, which could be true, literally, but if so why do you still play her? 

     “I am so tired, I literally can’t see straight.”  The translation is that fatigue makes you see crooked. Please get out of the driver's seat. 

     “That movie literally scared me to death.” You’re dead. No need for further explanation.

     “Put that down or I’ll beat the living daylights out of you, literally.” This translation is confusing since it implies that you might be killed in daylight, but maybe you come back at night as a zombie. See it’s confusing, but I would advise you for your own safety to just, Put It Down.

     “This is literally the best coffee on earth.” This implies that you have tasted every coffee produced. Nobody cares. Get a job.

     “That comedian is so funny, I literally laughed my ass off.” I see a number of problems here and sitting is just one.

     “This is literally the last time I warn you about this.” Now you’re treading in dangerous territory. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but you aren’t getting any more warnings. I would not step out of line if I were you.

      “This is literally the last sentence I’m writing about literally.” That was a lie, a literal lie.