Making a Banana

My wife (Mimi) and I got married in 1975 and as many couples when we first got married we were living on a shoestring budget but happy.  Many weekends we would run short on cash and have to got to the “ugly teller” to get some cash which was one of the 1^st after hour bank machines (now called ATM) but I guess in todays world this would be considered an unacceptable term even though an ATM is a machine. However the real story is that we ended up making up our on fun because we didn’t have the extra money for entertainment.  I did however have a super 8mm movie camera that I received from my parents plus a young and goofy imagination. 

So I thought wouldn’t it be fun to make a home movie, my parents made some goofy movies when they were a young married couple so why not us.  I started out with the idea to make a film about how to make a banana as if it was something you could create in the kitchen.  Don’t ask me how I came up with this, as far as I know it was just a goofy thought that I pursued. 

I decided the 1^st step was to write a script, some cue cards and get my wife (Mimi) to act as the director and cameraman (person).   I would be the producer and actor (Diego Miercoles), which was my chosen alternate name, I’ll explain later.

I created fake bags of ingredients to use in the movie.  The script I wrote was rough and just more of an outline as I expected that I would adlib much of it.  This was not a Hollywood movie so a few mistakes were expected and may even add to the humor of the movie.  To here is a short synopsis of the movie.  I planned to shoot the movie in the kitchen basically taking the banana apart then run the movie backwards to show a banana as if was being handmade.  I remember practicing a number of times without running the camera to get comfortable because we were only going to shoot it once, there would not be any retakes. This film was first created this film in 1979 on with a super 8mm camera and in 1990 the movie was transferred to VHS by running the film backwards on a movie screen while using a VHS camera to document the effect and also add sound.   

Earlier I stated that my acting name would be Diego Miercoles so you might ask why well my only answer is when I took Spanish class in high school for so unknown reason I really liked the sound of Miercoles, which means Wednesday, so I decided that would be a cool alternate name especially if I ever lived in Spain.  I also liked the name Diego, which roughly translated to Jim.  So from that time on my alternate name was Diego Miercoles.  Later in life I would use my alternate name as my wine maker name and create goofy labels. I decided to use a Spanish accent, which accidently turned into an Italian accent. 

So when I transferred the film to VHS in 1990, I attempted to use a Spanish accent which turned into a n Italian accent neither of which were any good.  My accents were terrible, I’m talking really bad but that’s what I did. 

Later as technology improved I transferred the VHS tape to a DVD in 2009 and posted in on youtube.  Consequently due to the original format and the transferring the film to different formats the film quality is not very good but the fun experience of making, sharing it with friends and family was great.  Sometimes it’s not about the outcome but the process and fun getting there.

“Some Where in France”     INFANTRY

                                                  P.F.C . Henry Ladendecker

    It was in the blue of the night, that our Jeeps felt their way up, seemingly, in a dead road for 15 minutes until we finally reached a small town that had been badly beaten as though by a band of Indians in the movies we so often have seen.  Some houses were still smoldering, while others with no roofs or large holes in their sides, where at one time was a window or door, now have room enough for any G. I. Truck to pass in and out.  Here we dismounted with all our equipment hurriedly because the whistling sounds of 88’s were marking the town.

 

    Lead by a guide in single file while our nerves tightened a little we were taken to the Command Post whose place was on the cellar of the few remaining houses that were left standing.  Here we gathered our wits together for we knew we were safe.  I think!!!!!

     The situation was given to us quickly, for time is most valuable, especially, at night, because of Enemy Patrols, who seek our positions and whereabouts.  A Guard Master was made, and we posted our men at picked Gun Position.  Once more we became nervous for it required from everyone 2 hours of vigil watch under a high strain of physical effort, peering through the blackness of night and listening to the countless strange noises trying to mold what might be or could be the enemy we seek.

      When daylight finally came the aspects of normalcy arose within us for as we made a survey all looked bright, for we saw a number of good old G.I.’s who had been backing us up all through the night, roaming around.

      Back at the Command Post upon another survey by us, we came across a setup that only a dream could mold so elegantly.  Before our eyes was a stove, cooking utensils, plates, table, a pan of churned butter, two chunks of bacon, salt, onions, spuds together with a garden filled with chickens, rabbits, hogs, the usual varieties of vegetables and greens, that we once left behind so long ago.

     Without hesitation we began to function.  The stove was started, water soon was boiled and the breakfast for 18 under way.  French fries, coffee eggs, that the boys rounded up, jam and biscuits that we had in our possessions created our first menu.  Fortunate, enough we had two cooks in our midst, myself and a young lad, we call Hoppy.  However, with the life of animal about us lead those who knew the trade kill chickens, rabbits and a hog, solely because the instinct of fresh meat was what he yearned for constantly, but could not make it an actuality until now and nothing was going to stop his dream come true.

     The chicken, spuds, cabbage, carrots and coffee brought about our dinner that made us open our belts and back away.  For supper we had rabbit more vegetables, stew, baked beans, coffee jam and butter.  Oh yes, the linen and such not forgetting the wine and calvados in barrels in the cellar.  K.P. became no struggle what so ever. 

All that was necessary was for someone to cook and that department proved successfully each time we moved around the stove.  Special concoctions of fruit bar sauce that were collected from our breakfast “K” rations, baked apples and chocolate pudding in which the bars are found in our supper “K” rations as well as meat loaf were by no means a castaway.  Probably the greatest surprise of all to each and every one of us was the hidden flavor of our Army “C” rations that so detest when eating from the can, that our ample supply suddenly vanished when cooked on a range.  The idea of setting at a table will probably remain with us a long time, no doubt, a treasure to most of us solely, because it could not happen again in a million years.

     No house could be complete without some kind of relaxation, so I might as well tell you that there were two puppies and cats to amuse our time upon.  We aim to take the smartest pup as a mascot for we know it will only starve if left alone.

      The thought just occurred to me that not once did I mention who sponsored this affair.  I am at a loss for words, that, I can assure you, but perhaps when I tell you that maybe the roar of cannons, the falling of shells through the roof and about the backyard caused this tenant to leave in a hurry.  Whatever other reason that they had we will never know.

     So, I will leave you now in the face of an unfinished chapter because, I cannot state my departure in time of war nor can I mention what life will bring when we leave here.

     I only hope and pray that our free nation will spare its inhabitants this kind of destruction both in mankind and nature that we have seen, but in will stand united equally as a neighbor to a neighbor and rid the country of these who try to menace it. 

                                                                                                        Sincerely,

                                                                                                         Sgt. Paul J. Fleming

One of the 18 men in the group.

Building a wood crate (Peep hole in the garage)

     Sometimes as kids (age 12) we were influenced by others and this time in our lives the Our Gang Comedies were popular, so I’m not sure if it was an original idea to start a club (LMB club - Initials from our last names) and build a wooden crate car or an outgrowth of the Our Gang Series. Nevertheless we started a club and attempted to build a wood crate car, we used my Dad’s garage, which was in the alley and not being used for a car.  Most garages in the city were accessed through the alley but they were built to hold smaller cars and were not usually used for cars when I grew up.  My Dad said go ahead use the garage for your project which we did but we were messy, boards and nails laying all over the place (OSHA would not approve). 

     One day when Frank, Reinhard (Rein) and I were working in the garage, I stepped on a board that had a nail driven in it that pointed straight up, well it went straight through the bottom of my foot. I was immediately taken to the doctor for a Tetanus shot.  That was a tough lesson in organization and the advantages of keeping a clean work area. 

     After my recovery from the nail incident we continued our project but with a little more attention paid to neatness.  The garage was technically our clubhouse as well as where we worked on our crate.  Building a wood crate is fun but sometimes kids loose their focus and get bored with the mundane task of a project so as a kid it's natural to come up with something else to fill in the void.   

     Well, one day while Frank and I were working on the crate, Rein thought it was important to look out for intruders and proceeded to drill a hole (peep hole) in the garage wall using a hand drill provided by my Dad, which seemed to make sense to all of us since we wanted to see if anyone was sneaking up on us.   Logic to an adolescent is much different than an adult and although we didn’t have any enemies to sneak up on us it still seemed logical to be prepared as the boy scouts say.  But if one peep hole was good then multiple holes would even be better so Rein thought why not 2 or 3.  Again this explanation did not sit well with my Dad as he did not agree with our reasoning or the excessive number of holes drilled in the side of the garage. We were allowed to continue with a project but given stern instructions to leave the garage in tact with no more modifications.  We did eventually finish the crate with some help and enjoyed pushing each other down the alley until we got bored and moved on to some other activity. 

Katy Trail Ride (2nd Night) Globe Cowboy Hotel (The Best Prank…ever)

Our 2^nd night after biking all day, we stayed at the Globe Hotel in Hartsburg.  It looked like an old western hotel that you might see in John Wayne movies with 3 floors.  The owner (a lady that was a retired medical scientist) had a small living room (10’ x 10’) in the front of the house with a couch on one side and a bookcase on the opposite side with a small TV that could get approximately 2 & 1/3 channels (that’s estimating on the high side).  Her personal living quarters were right next to the living room and down the hall was the kitchen. 

When we first arrived she was holding and petting her cat and she gave us our room number and showed us the living room, kitchen and 2^nd floor shared bathroom, which is the same floor.  The bathroom was massive with a lot of empty space.  We chatted briefly which is how we found out she was a retired medical scientist while still petting her cat she explained in a very clear and direct manner that the 3^rd floor was strictly off limits and not to go up there. Well obviously she knows about cats but she doesn’t know a lot about guys.  Never, I mean never tell guys that they can absolutely not do something.  What she doesn’t understand is that warnings to guys are often just challenges, what we really heard her saying was “You don’t have the gonads to go up to the 3^rd floor”.  She then went on to elaborate that the previous owner used to have a Gentleman’s Club on the 3^rd floor.  Well that was her 2^nd mistake, what was she thinking telling us about the Gentleman’s Club, how enticing was that, maybe she thought we were a couple (to steal a phrase from Sienfield ) “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”, right no we’re just a couple of goof balls.

After settling in our room (that’s right we shared a room but separate beds), we toured the tiny town and got some dinner then went back to the Globe to watch some TV.   We ran into the owner again and while she (still petting her cat) said we were welcome to watch TV or read as long as we wanted.  By this time we were convinced she was the crazy cat lady with and advanced medical degree and the capability to dissect creatures.  We sat in the living room laughing and making jokes about our situation and our landlord while we did our best to find something on the TV but it was hopeless when you found something it provided no entertainment and the signal would soon fade away, so you would end up watching fuzz.

I decided to look through the books and John went upstairs to call Cindy (his wife).  A little later John came back down and after fidgeting with the TV some more we decided to go to bed after all it was a long day we road about 60 miles and we were tired.  Still somewhat distracted by our outrageous imagination of the cat lady’s exploits I looked on my bed to find a hand written note.  The note said “You have a nicely shaped head, what size hat do you wear”.  My eyes grew I’m sure as big as grapefruits then I immediately turned to John across the room and said “I got a note, did you get a note”.  John doing a good job of holding his composure said “Note, No? What does it say?”  So I read it to him then he came over to read it himself and finally he could no longer hold it in and bust out laughing.  Well, I immediately knew that I had been duped, John wrote the note when he was upstairs talking to his wife.  He had really sucked me into this prank but we laughed on and off for hours constantly watching the door (we had flashlights) because even though there was a lock, it didn’t work.  The doors were warped with big gaps at various places around the door so even if they could have been locked it wouldn’t have been very secure but it seemed to add to the adventure.  We had really freaked ourselves out, but finally fell asleep.

The next morning after showering (separately I might add) we decided we would explore the forbidden 3^rd floor before going down to breakfast.  So, with flashlights in hand we tried to quietly climb the steps to the 3^rd floor but this was an old hotel and being quite was not an option.  I remember going first and John urging me forward.  The 3^rd floor was just a big room with an entry door that opened like a cellar door that you pushed open.  I pushed the door open and to our disappointment there were no skeletons or carcasses just boxes, old furniture and junk.  Nothing even from the debunked Gentleman’s Club, what a bust or not even a bust.  Oh well at least we satisfied our curiosity.

So, we headed downstairs for breakfast and boy were we hungry.  We expected a John Wayne breakfast after all this was a cowboy hotel.  So we sit down to eat and she brings out a spinach muffin and a hard-boiled egg, are you kidding me, how can we make to lunch on an egg and a muffin.  I ate the muffin and left the egg, John ate both but we both broke out the power bars shortly after we hit the trail.

Please visit TwistedCorkscrew if you are looking for unique wine accessories.