Impossible Questions for men

     Some questions posed in life are easy to answer, others are hard and some are impossible.  Here are some examples:  What is this dirt on the chair cushion?  Why are there spots on the carpet?  What’s wrong with my phone?  Who got dirt on the wall?  Where are my keys?  Why is this broken? What’s that funny noise in the car?  Movies even reference these impossible questions as in "Christmas Vacation" when the question is asked  "How did the carpet get all wet, Todd".  Answer "I don't know Margo".

     There are many more questions like these that are usually posed by a loved one.  When I’m ask one of these questions my go to gut response is “I don’t know, it wasn’t me” or  "That's terrible, what will we do" or something equally useless.  The truth is those dirt spots could have been me, but those things don’t always register with guys, so I really don’t remember.

     The question asked by women and heard by men can be completely different.  When a woman ask “Who got dirt on the wall, chair or carpet?”” a man hears “How did you get dirt on the wall, chair or carpet?”  It’s a subtle but a critical difference.  So how does a guy answer that question, is there a right answer, I usually rely on my gut response “I don’t know, I didn’t do it.” 

     Some of the impossible questions you may get are more difficult and tricky to answer, What’s wrong with my phone?  Any questions regarding the phone or computer always gets my usual response “Must be operator error” which is over used and seems lame at best.  Well I’m not sure if there is a right answer but my go to answer is not working so I need to come up with a more interesting or entertaining response.  Here are few new (untried) responses that may help you answer those impossible questions or may get you in trouble for being a smart ass, but be careful it might just get you "The Look".  Let me know how they worked out for you.

"Negatively charged floating ions are the cause of your electronic issues."

"Forest fire soot has permeated the air causing a spontaneous transference of dirt to all clean surfaces."

"Ninjas could be involved in some way but we shouldn’t talk about it."

"I suspect global warming to be the culprit."

"Atmospheric changes have affected my memory and decisions skills so I do not recall and I should not be held responsible."

"Thank you" or "Your Welcome" 

"Sounds like rich people problems"  

     Some of these answers don't make any sense but lately, my answers lean toward ridiculous responses, which I find to be more fun although offering no worthwhile help.  However many of these questions won't have an acceptable answer anyway so why take it seriously.  “Just Saying…..”