This is a story I was going to read at Ken’s retirement. But with his surgery and because now we all stuck at home for a while I thought I’d send it out to all my Boeing friends. I hope it gives you a laugh. It will only be meaningful if you know Ken, but if you worked at Boeing you probably came in contact with him. I tried to use as many Eichornism as possible.
That’s my story and I’m stuck with it
A tribute to Ken or a Roast of sorts
Many years ago a young boy was born in Illinois with many special talents. His name was Ken from the Land of Eichorn. He stood out from other babies, as you will see. You could say he marched to a different drummer.
Most mothers would smile and coo at their child coaxing them to say Mama or Dada. This was true of Ken’s mom as well. She would cuddle him and say, “How is my precious baby Kenny today. “
But to her surprise Baby Ken didn’t say Mama or Dada but he cocked his head and memorably remarked, ”Terrible, thanks for asking.”
And so it began, when he got in trouble around the house. His mom would ask him if he was responsible. Ken didn’t respond with a yes or no, he said, “Obvious to the most casual observer.”
Nothing changed, as he grew older except the endless list of ‘Eichornisms’ he complied. In school the teachers quickly learned to be cautious when asking Ken a question.
One teacher asked Ken to clean up his desk. Ken simply responded, “A clean desk is the sign of a sick mind.”
Another teacher wanting to involve Ken said, “Can you pass these test out to your classmates?”
Without hesitation, Ken said. “Whatever winds your motor.”
Throughout his life there was never a situation when Ken didn’t have an answer.
Early in my retrofit career I became associated with Ken. He was an interesting character. He spoke in cryptic phrases and never answered a question as you might expect. I sat next to Ken for many years and ended up compiling a list of his unique sayings.
Here are few examples:
Ken worked at McDonnell Douglas since he was 18 years old so he had a vast amount of experience. Who better to answer questions about McDonnell Douglas than Ken? No one I knew. So when I stumbled over a problem I asked him why it was done this way. He quickly responded, “I don’t drive the train I just load the cars.”
I took that to mean he didn’t know. But that didn’t stop me from asking other questions. I was a young and inexperienced employee and since Ken being the lead, I liked to keep him informed. I told him I was going to a meeting and that I’d be back in an hour. Ken said, “Thanks for the warning.”
I also asked him about the guy running the meeting. His comment was “Every time he opens his mouth dumb comes out.” Then as I walked away he had one final word of advice. “If anything comes up swallow it.”
On occasion while working a project I might have a pencil in my mouth while in deep thought. Ken would look over and say. “Looks like it’s gonna rain . . . hogs carrying stick in their mouths.”
If you ask Ken a question he felt you should know the answer to. He wouldn’t call you a dumbass. He was much more poetic, saying. “A man with a head the size of a grape could figure that out.”
Working with Ken has been fun like ‘one continuous show, it’s never out and never over.’ Just be aware that ‘if want to dance, you’ve got to pay the fiddler.’ So you can ‘pay me now or pay me later.’ Some day you’ll learn ‘figures don’t lie, liars figure.’ ‘It’s the law of the jungle.’ Be thankful for the chances you have in life, ‘two chances, slim and none.’
Remember ‘paybacks are hell’ and ‘there are no free lunches,’ so it’s important to know that ‘you can be replaced with someone that breathes’ even if ‘you’ve got more grit than a sand pile.’
63 years is along time to work at one company, so many of the younger guys might be wondering, how old is Ken. Well, I’ve got the answer. “Two days older than water.” I’m sure many of you that have worked with any length of time Ken have your own stories that would fill a journal. After today, you’re on your own because “he didn’t take you to raise.”
Ken, I only have three words to offer you for your future endeavors, well quotes to be accurate. Quotes I learned from you many years ago.
“Take no prisoners”
“A moving target is hard to hit.”
“Where do you want your final pay check sent.”
Ken, congratulations on your well-deserved retirement, and the horse you road in on.
“Over” . . . that means it’s your turn to talk.
