Free Wine

There’s a little known government program that provides one bottle of wine each month to retirees on social security. The program is called Wine Therapy Forever (WTF). Most people are unaware of this unique benefit. 

     It’s not activated automatically. You must sign-up for it. Simply call the governors office to initiate WTF. It’s important to be persistent since many people won’t be familiar with the program. 

     Here’s the conversation I had when I first signed up.

     “Hello, I’d like to speak with someone about WTF.”

     I could hear the frustrated sigh from lady on the phone before she spoke. “That’s rude. Can you just give me more details on the issue?” 

     “I’m retired and I’d like to sign up for WTF.”

     “Sir there’s no need to become hostile.”

     I scratched my head. “Sorry, I just want my wine.”

     “You’re not the first whiner today.” She informed me. “What’s the problem?”

     “I want to be on the list.”

     She laughed. “Oh! You’re definitely on my list.”

     “So, when will I get the first shipment? I prefer red.”

     She sounded like a bull snarling before the charge. “Red, like the color of my face right now.”

     “I can’t be 100% sure, but okay let’s go with that.”

     “Good to know. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

     “Yes, just screw tops please. My fingers don’t work like they used to.”

     “You can’t see, but my finger is working overtime.” The irritation in her voice was prevalent.

     “Thanks, have a nice day.” She didn’t answer. I heard the line go dead. She’s probably rushing off to place my order. 

     That was three weeks ago and still no wine, maybe I should call back, but this time I’ll ask for the governor. I mean if anyone knows WTF I’m sure it’s him.