Factory Settings

I’ve heard many times that if you have a problem with appliances or electronics the easiest way to solve the problem is to reset the appliance back to the original factory settings. It seems like a good solution since you have probably struggled trying to fix the issue in other ways without success. 

     It’s the perfect backup plan when all else fails. Knowing this gives you some peace of mind. So, Mimi and I were discussing the aches and pains that come with aging. We decided that the best thing to do is have our bodies reset to the original factory settings. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request since we’ve done our best to stay healthy by exercising and eating right. Factory setting are a fail safe.

     So please accept this post as our official request to give our bodies a complete factory reset. And as we all know there have been a number of changes since we first arrived, so if you can please include all the software upgrades that would be appreciated. “Just Saying . . .”

Notice to Grocery Stores

I want to put all grocery stores on notice. Your top shelf is high, especially when the items are all in the back. I’m 5’5” so I can reach the items in the front, but many times the front of the top shelf is barren. It’s likely that you’re store is short on staff so I get that you can’t have a person running around the store pushing all the items to the front of every shelf. 

     Let me tell you about old people. We find a way to get things done. Always have, and always will, road blocks are no big thing. So if you see an old person climbing up the shelves to get their favorite Italian soda, don’t look surprised. Yes, I agree it’s not the smartest thing to do, but remember what I said earlier, we find a way. 

     Now I have a solution, have a few step stools strategically placed around the store. Seniors could use those to get their favorite item from the top shelf.  Yes, of course your lawyers won’t like it. They’ll say that it will only encourage people to use them and it could be dangerous if they fall. The store could be sued. Also true, but if they fall off a display while scaling the shelves, the store could also be sued and it would be a more interesting lawsuit.

     Old people do what old people do. Not to say it’s always a good choice, but it’s worth knowing. Getting step stools is a better choice, because there’s a good chance that old lady climbing the shelf has Morgan and Morgan on speed dial. “Just Saying . . . “

Special Parking Spaces

This morning my wife asked me to go to the grocery store and pick up a few items. Sure, I'll be happy to stop at the Bodega (I'm trying to use more interesting words). She gave me a short list, and I drove off to fill her order.

As I pulled into the parking lot of Schnucks, I drove around looking for the closest spot to the entrance. The best spots were for the handicapped, which is understandable. Hmm, I guess saying handicap is no longer acceptable. I think disabled is the proper word now, but how is that better? It's all very confusing. As I turned down another aisle, there were spots for both Wounded Warriors and Maternity, and who would argue with that. There were also numerous spots for Online Pickup and one for Employee of the Month (recognition for a job well done). 

Screw it. I'll just park on the far side next to the sign. You know, the spot no one wants. I walked to the entrance, dodging shopping carts randomly parked anywhere, because it's too hard to take them to the corral. I waited patiently as guys with big ass trucks decided to back into a parking spot. I suppose everyone would like a fast getaway after they paid $6.00 for a gallon of milk. I walked past cars angled across two parking spaces. Thanks for that. Remember me, I'm parked by the Schnucks sign. 

I finally get to the Bodega (remember, I'm using fancy words) and made my purchases. I pushed my cart to my private Schnucks sign parking spot and unload. Just a note for those of you that have never used the sign parking, there are no cart corrals anywhere near. I could leave the cart on the grass by the sign, but that seems wrong, so I push it back toward the corral when I see someone getting out of their car. They probably need a cart, so I'll offer mine to them. It will save time for both of us, win, win. 

But, she said. "Did you sanitize it?"

"Lady, I parked by the sign. Do you see any of the sanitizers over there?" I pointed to my car.

She squinted. "I can't see that far."

"Nevermind." Then I proceeded on my original path to the corral.

I had no more issues as I returned to my car, except for the two near misses from cars racing down the aisle competing for an open parking spot.

I left the parking lot, and I decided to stop at Home Depot, it's close so I could run in and get some light bulbs without wasting another trip. As I drove into the HD lot, I again searched for a spot to park. They too, have reserved spots for special customers, one for Contractors, another for Ladies Only (WHAT?), and one for a Green Vehicle (Now, my KIA Soul is alien green, but it's not EV). Below the large letters, it said EV Only, so not for my alien green Soul. I decided it wasn't worth the trouble, I mean we have flashlights, so we didn't need no stinking light bulbs. 

As I drove home I thought of a another special space the businesses could reserve. How about making a super wide space for people who can't fit their car between the two white lines. There are people already taking up two spaces anyway so just make it legal. The sign could read, "For People who are terrible at parking".  

Maybe there could have a shuttle to pick up the people that park by the sign and drop them off at the front entrance. "Just Saying . . ."