Sometimes I wonder why is the Frisbee getting bigger, then it hits me.....

     I have to admit this is a line I read in a book (A Sudden Light by Garth Stein) but it seemed so appropriate for life I had to use it.  Don't you sometimes feel like you see things but at the same time oblivious or unaware of the pending outcome?  It's easy to get mesmerized by something right before you are jolted back to reality.

     It's comical the way it's written but that seems like life, there are many events in life that have a comical ending.  I remember the time my brother-in-law (Bud) and I were bringing a load of lumber and drywall home from the lumber store that I had bought for a home project.  We loaded my small truck (Toyota pickup) with the lumber first and put the drywall on top because the drywall was too wide to sit flat on truck bed.  The lumber filled the bed so that the drywall would fit nicely on top of the wheel wells and we could be assured the edges of the drywall would not get damaged.  Pretty damn smart, right!

     I was driving down Jungermann road approaching Spencer road, which is at the top of a hill.  The light was green as we reached the intersection, which I was happy about since stopping abruptly would cause the load to shift forward and possibly damaging the drywall.  The thing I didn't expect was that the small hill at the intersection gave the load just enough lift that to make it airborne and with the speed of the truck it exited right in the middle of the intersection.  Amazingly the complete load landed undamaged, almost like it had been purposely stacked there.

     But now we have an emergency situation, the complete load of lumber and drywall that we meticulously loaded in the truck was laying on the pavement.  Well, all I can say is you have never seen two people reload a truck faster than Bud and I did on the afternoon without any assistance from the onlookers. Whew!

     Then I remember another embarrassing moment when Bud and I were picking a new coach and chair Mimi had bought at Sears.  It was delivered to the store in St. Charles so I wouldn't have to drive to downtown St. Louis.  I had a pickup truck so I expected this to be an easy task.  Bud was there to help as always.  We loaded the furniture, putting the couch in first then the chair turned upside down on top, which seemed like a good plan, at least at the time.  We figured the weight of the furniture would hold everything in place and we weren't going very far anyway.  A word of advice here is appropriate, when loading a couch and chair with cushions, take the cushions off.  A cushion on another cushion is bouncy, enough said.

     So we are driving down Jungermann road, is this sounding familiar, when we are approaching Spencer road, sounding more familiar, when we reach the hill (from now on known as the devil hill).  Sometimes it takes me a couple times to learn the obvious.  The light is green and as we reach the peak of the hill I see in my rear view mirror the chair shooting toward the sky spinning like a gymnast and it stuck the landing, but not in a good way.  It did indeed land but points were deducted for a poor landing, as were points from my delivery skills when I relayed the story to Mimi.

     I have learned from these lessons and improved my delivery skills (no longer mesmerized by the devil hill) but I've noticed the requests for my help have dwindled, I don't know why.

   

   

   

"Look it's almost impossible to tip"

     Sunday seemed to be the perfect day to be outdoors so we decided to spend a day at 370 Lakeside Park (St. Peters, Mo).  We rented a paddleboat and peddled around the lake for an hour before sitting down for a picnic lunch at the pavilion.  It was a fun, pleasant day but uneventful up to this point. John and I had talked about renting kayaks many times in the past, so after lunch we went down to check out the kayaks, leaving Mimi and Cindy at the pavilion.

     This is a very calm lake so it would be the ideal place for beginners like us.  They have two types of kayaks to rent at the park, a sea kayak that you sit on top and the traditional one that you sit in.  As we are inspecting the kayaks a young couple comes down with the attendant.  The park attendant unlocks the kayaks and pulls out two of the traditional kayaks (one blue & one green).  Always being the curious one, I ask the couple if they kayaked often.  The guy (Matt) says "Yes, a couple times a month".  I then ask "Have you ever taken lessons, so you know how to roll the kayak back over if you tip it."  Matt said, "No, these kayaks a pretty stable, I've never tipped one yet”, Famous last words.

     The attendant pushes the boats down toward the water, when Matt's girlfriend/wife says the green one is the fastest.  The couple walks to the kayaks; Matt takes the green one (fastest), which is what guys do when there with a girl, his girlfriend/wife takes the blue one.  We chit chat as they get in the boats.  The girl is wearing her life vest with oar in hand; Matt is in his boat as well with his oar but has tossed his life vest in the bottom of the boat.

     Throughout our encounter with this young couple they have been very friendly and helpful trying to makes us feel comfortable about kayaking.  To reinforce the safety of these kayaks, Matt tips the kayak from side to side stating "Look it's almost impossible to tip".  Well, just as those words leave his mouth, water spills over the lip into the compartment flipping the kayak faster than I could have imagined.  John, I and the attendant and Matt's girlfriend watch in amazement as his head pops out of the water, then his body slinks out of the kayak almost like a sea serpent sheading a cocoon.

     Let me point out that this was shallow water and Matt was in no danger, however this had to be extremely embarrassing for him.  I made the following comment "I wish I would have had this on video, it would be a great YouTube moment" and Matt's girlfriend/wife started laughing hysterically at the situation.  John was laughing but looking downward because he felt embarrassed for Matt.  The attendant just stared in misbelief, then left.  Trying to redeem himself Matt says "This is how you get back in the kayak once you tip it over" and he jumps up on to the boat forcing it under completely filling it with water. Now would be a good time to stop the demonstrations, please. In all fairness since this was the first time he tipped over a kayak he had no experience how to get back in.  At this point he seemed flustered, nothing he did seemed to work, plus all the laughter probably didn't help him focus.

     He had trouble emptying the water out of the boat so we coaxed him in to the shore so we could help him empty the boat.  John said "Let's take the plug out so it's easier to drain." Matt said "Plug?" So while John was draining the boat I went over to get his life vest that had been retrieved by his girlfriend (still laughing). Matt is standing there soaking wet when I notice he has a phone in his pocket so I said "Is that your IPhone", he looks puzzled and says, "No..err yes but it's broken anyway". I'm thinking well if it wasn't it is now. He pulls it out of his pocket looks at it try to turn it on, then grumbles. Now that the boat was empty and ready to launch I said to John "Don't forget to put the plug back in", John trying to lighten the mood (Matt still has a deer in the headlights look) says "Yes that wouldn't be good to find that I still had the plug in my pocket as we are driving home.  I said "That's true I've been in a boat without a plug, didn't end well".  With Matt back in his kayak safely paddling away we told him to "Have a great day".......or at least a better day.

     John and I went back up to the pavilion (laughing all the way) to see if the girls were watching the recent events but they saw nothing.  So we explained in detail the comical kayak launch.  We all laughed and while reliving the incident I stated I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt when John spit out his drink.  There is nothing in life as funny as reality.  We wish Matt and his girlfriend all the best and thank them for an entertaining afternoon, don't fret it happens to all of us one time or another.  Life is great, funny sh*t just seems to happen to me wherever I go.

Our Weekend Adventure to Florida

     When we were first married, we had a few years without kids so we would often take weekend trips.  One long weekend we decided to drive to Cocoa Beach Florida to visit Mimi's Aunt Eileen, Uncle Glen and cousin Chris.  We had more free time than money so we drove, leaving immediately after work, which seemed like a good idea at the time. The thing is we worked all day, which can be tiring and stressful, so driving through the night wasn't our best decision.

     Nevertheless, this was the plan, I took the wheel from 7pm to 2am then turned the driving over to Mimi by then I was so tired I immediately fell asleep.  Mimi had stayed up while I was driving to keep me awake so she was tired as well, then about 2:30am she woke me up and said she was too tired to go on.  I said "Are you kidding me, I drove for 7 hours" but she quickly reminded me she stayed up with me.  I conceded that was true, so we then pulled over at the next rest stop to take a short nap.  It happened to be an unlit rest stop without any services basically just a bunch of parking spaces in the middle of nowhere but we were so tired it would have to do.

     We were in a Ford Pinto, which does not have a lot of room especially when you are carrying luggage.  I got out of the car to rearrange the luggage so we would have more room when a scruffy guy came from out of the woods, behind me and scared the crap out of me.  He was wanting some assistance but he freaked me out so bad we immediately left.  It's funny how you can go from totally exhausted to wide awake in a nano second when you feel your life is in danger from some deranged killer.  Well that's an exaggeration but it kinda felt like that.  Actually, he may have been a really nice guy that was just happened to be roaming around unlighted rest stops at 3am, ya think!  I need to apologize if that was the case, but holy mother of God; he needs to work on his approach by not popping out of the woods and scaring the bejesus out of people.

     As we raced away from the rest stop, wide awake but not feeling very rested, we decided to stop for some coffee, why not add caffeine to the mix.  Maybe with the fear of death and the extra caffeine we can stay up the entire weekend.  That would be special! We carried on with our road trip without incident until we got into Florida.  We were nearing our final destination traveling on Hwy 95, which runs down the eastern coast. The exits are 9 miles apart possibly due to our exhausted euphoric state of mind we missed our exit.  Great, so now we have to drive 9 miles to the next exit then 9 miles back, 18 additional miles, which doesn't seem bad when you say it fast but we we now approaching 23 hours on the road so we were not happy.  To make things worse we found that there was no exit for our stop going north so we had to drive another 9 miles then turn around and drive 9 miles to our exit. That's 36 additional miles for our mistake, are we being punished for not helping the rest stop crazy.

      We finally arrived, almost 24 hours, we parked, left our luggage in the car, Glen and I would get it later and went to the condo.  Just after entering the condo, Mimi decided to go down to the car to get something for Eileen. In the parking lot a man approached Mimi wanting her to let him in the condo building, she refused.  A code was needed to get in the building; she was scared but was able to get in the building without being followed.  After telling us, Glen and I went down to check it out and bring the luggage up.  As it turned the guy was someone's nephew in the building so he was not another deranged killer, that's assuming the other guy was a deranged killer.  Nevertheless that's the story I'm sticking with.  The rest of the trip was fun with much less drama, which was fine with us.

     

Ireland - Day 5 thru 8 - Killarney

     We arrived in Killarney in the afternoon of our 5th day and we pleasantly surprised at the excellent accommodations of the bed and breakfast.  After we were settled in our rooms we decided to visit Muckross House & Gardens, a National park, which was only a few miles away.  We spent all afternoon at this beautiful park and gardens, very picturest and relaxing.  Since it started raining we took a buggy ride back to the main house after we walked around all afternoon.

     We ate dinner at the Muckross House then went back to the B & B and spent the evening playing cards.  The next morning we had a nice hardy breakfast before driving around the Ring of Kerry.  It was raining off and on that day but it was a fun day stopping in small towns whenever we wanted.  We even visited an out of the way beach, down narrow winding road.  While we were on the beach we looked up at the steep hills and saw white dots all over which turned out to be sheep or goats grazing on the hill. Driving a car rather than taking a bus tour gives you a lot more flexibility plus you can go places that a bus can't.  

     We left right after breakfast the next day to see the Blarney Stone near the city of Cork.  We stood in line to see the stone but we skipped the kissing part, too many other lips on the stone.  The gardens were beautiful plus they had a separate poison garden, which was interesting and contain an enormous amount of poisonous plants.

     On the 8th day we headed to Dublin but stopped in the town of Waterford to see the Crystal factory.  Initially, I didn't think this would be all that cool, but I was wrong.  This was a great tour where we got to see how the artisan’s hand cut the crystal; they even stopped while cutting to explain what they were doing.  Well worth the stop on our way to Dublin.

     It was dark when we arrived in Dublin and we could not find our hotel even with the GPS.  We must have tried 4 or 5 times when we finally decided to stop a cab and pay him to take us to the hotel.  It was right in front of our nose but somewhat camouflaged.  We checked in the hotel, turned in the car, had a nice dinner and rested with a nice glass of wine in the bar.  Tomorrow we planned on buying a bus pass and start our self-guided Dublin tour. 

I push buttons, That's just what I do

     I always figured if there's a button it needs to be pushed.  I mean why else would you make a button, it has no other reason for existence, it must be pushed.  That's how I find out how things work; I push buttons, turn knobs and flip switches.  When I get in a car that I've never been in before I search for things to push, switch and turn, it's like a mini adventure with very little risk.  Only on rare occasion have I been unpleasantly surprised.

     When you go to your doctor and they put you in the exam room, waiting for the docs arrival, it could be 20 or 30 minutes before comes in to see you.  You could read a magazine while waiting but this is a perfect time to explore the drawers, compartments and cabinets, what's the harm you're just familiarizing yourself with the surroundings.  What's the first thing you do when checking in a hotel, most will say they lay down, turn the TV on and rest for a few minutes, but I see this as my opportunity to explore first the room drawers, cabinets, etc. then the hotel itself.  Only a few minutes after check-in I will know where to find the ice machine, pool, breakfast bar, restaurant, housekeeping, etc.

     Many times when you are in a store (Target, Walmart, Menards, etc.) you will stumble across animated figures or dolls that have a button with a little sign that says push here.  Do you push the button?  The little sign says Push Here, so why don't you push. You'll notice them more at holiday seasons, I especially like the Halloween characters, they screech and howl.  These make me laugh out loud.  Mimi will say "Why are you doing that, stop it".  I will simply respond "I push buttons, That's just what I do".

     I should come with a warning label; maybe it could be a T-shirt that I can wear which says "Keep this man away from any nuclear launch sites".

Memorable Ski Trips

    I have always loved snow skiing even before I tried it, I knew I would love it.  It's kind of hard to explain even though I had no idea how to ski and I lived in the Midwest, snow skiing was a sport that I was drawn to.

     My first trip was while I was in college, I signed up for a bus ski trip to Galena, IL.  I didn't know anyone on the bus but it didn't make any difference because skiing was all that was on my mind. Nothing spectacular happen on that trip other than validating that I found a sport that I loved.  It was freeing in a way to glide down the mountain taking any path you wanted relying only on your skills.

     After I graduated college I took off to spend some unknown time in Colorado to ski and job-hunt.  I stayed with a friend of a friend at some college sleeping on a dorm room floor, not fun, but the skiing was great and the college guys were welcoming.  After a couple of nights in the dorm I decided a cheap hotel room was better.  I stayed just a little over a week then drove back home listening to John Denver songs the whole way.

     Shortly after Mimi and I were married we took a winter ski trip to Keystone Colorado.  Mimi worked for Ralston Purina at the time and since they owned Keystone Ski Resort we got a great discount. We drove my Mercury Bobcat (a glorified Ford Pinto) out to Colorado, which was an interesting experience in itself.  The Bobcat was a hatchback but the cylinder that held the hatch up wa broken so I used a post hole digger handle to hold the hatch up. The thing is I forgot to tell the bellhop that unloaded the luggage that secret, so when he lifted the hatch to unload the luggage the hatch fell on his head, Opps!  When we checked in the guy at the counter told us the room we reserved was not available so they had to upgrade us, ok that's cool.  Well, to our surprise the upgrade room was a 2-bedroom loft; it was amazing.  How lucky are we?  We had a great time living the high life on that trip.

     A few years later I had a job interview in Denver so we decided to combine it with a ski trip.  We were skiing at A-Basin (Arapahoe) on our last day.  Skiing was my thing, Mimi didn't share the same enthusiasm, she went with me but she could have lived without it. The rule in skiing is when you get tired, quit for the day.  This being our last day we went for 1 last run, I was about 50 yards further down the slope than Mimi when I heard her yell.  Oh crap! I turned and saw her in a pile up on the mountain so I climbed back up the slope, which is not easy to do with skies on or off.  When I finally reached her she said she her skis got crossed dug in the snow and she did a forward flip.  Cool trick skiing, No not really.  Mimi said she heard a crack when she was falling and was afraid she broke something.  I stuck my skis in the snow and crossed them which is a sign for help and in a short time the ski patrol came along with a snowmobile.  They loaded her on the snowmobile and headed down to the First aid shack.  I followed her down feeling concerned about her injury but if I'm being truthful anxious that this would be the the last ski trip I would ever be on.  I arrived at the First aid shack and when I went I saw Mimi still nervous but feeling relieved. When I asked how she was she responded "I'm fine the crack I heard were my ski pants ripping as I sailed through the air."  She had no broken bones just a little embarrassed.  We left the next day for home but now we had a funny story to share with family and friends.

     On another trip to Colorado, we were with other family members and were skiing at A-Basin, which has runs above the tree line making for a beautiful view.  We had a fun day on the slopes and were going for one more run so I convinced a few people in our group to go to the very top for or last run of the day.  I think there were 5 of us that went to the top (Rose, Bud, Ann, Tom & me). When we got to the top it was windy with snow swirling all around. We gathered at the top of the run and immediately noticed we couldn't see anything; it was a white out.  Since this was my idea everyone was asking what do we do I said just point tour skies downhill and go slow until we get down to the tree line which would give us better visibility.  Everyone was nervous including me but what other choice was there.  Well, it all ended fine and it was an experience we could laugh about later.    

     My last ski story is about our ski trip to Lake Tahoe.  It's beautiful resort and mountain and we were lucky to go staying in a timeshare condo owned by Mimi & Ann's cousin Chris and her husband Scott from Florida.  Two funny stories about this trip one when we were in the car going to the condo, Tom was driving because Chris and Scott we not used to driving in snow whereas the rest of us were from Missouri so it was no big deal.  The truth is Chris and Scott were terrified about driving in the snow.  Maneuvering in the snow takes some experience but the Missourians were comfortable.  At one point Tom made a turn and the back wheels broke loose and skidded sideways a little.  Tom easily avoided a problem by turning into the skid and continued on.  Everyone from Missouri yelled "Weeee" but Chris and Scott gave a nervous laugh and said "What the hells wrong with you people".

     We always took the bus to the slopes at Lake Tahoe that way everyone had the option to return to the condo when they were tired.  On this day Mimi had already headed back when Ann, Chris and I decided we were ready to head back, leaving Tom and Scott there for a few more runs.  So the three os us got on the bus with a very personable and funny bus driver.  He entertained everyone on the ride back.  Incase you have never been skiing or walked in ski boots, it's not a easy or pretty sight especially when you tired from skiing all day.  We were sitting in the rear of the bus when we arrived at our condo.  Ann and Chris got off before me lugging their skis just I as I was.  I was struggling clomping down the aisle carrying my skis, trying not to skewer the other passengers with my poles or skis.  As I was climbing down the steps I must have looked like I just got off a horse because as I exited the bus the driver says "Take it easy there, Cowgirl".  The bus exploded with laughter as they drove off to the next condo.  I could see the people laughing in the window as they passed by.  The driver had a quick wit and we laughed about it as we walked to the condo.  Skiing trips were always fun times with funny people.

A Conference Call Gone Wrong

     Working at any large corporation entails a lot of meetings and conference calls.  There are so many they become routine. Throughout my work life at McDonnell Douglas/Boeing (33 years) I attended many meetings but also set many up and as I said these were routine task.  As with some task that become routine sometimes you become complacent.

     So it goes, one day I needed to set up a conference call between a the US Navy, vendors, engineers, logisticians and British Aerospace (BAe).  The participants were all people I knew and frequently dealt with so I expected it to be a productive conference call sorting out a few issues but low key.  The US Navy was located in Patuxent River Maryland, the vendors in California, BAe in England and the engineers/ logisticians in St Louis, Missouri.

     I set the call up for later that week; I took account of the different time zones (as you may have noticed) and picked an appropriate time convenient to all as best I could.  I sent out the email invites giving the conference call number as well as the time for their time zone, feeling proud how damn organized I was.  

     The day before the call, something came up at home which I needed to take off work for, so I ask a co-worked (Lynn Duncan) to handle the call, saying "It will be no big deal it's all setup just keep everyone on topic".  Lynn accepted the task after all it was "no big deal".  So I took off work the day of the call feeling confident that everything was in place for a successful conference call with Lynn handling the reigns.

     The day I returned to work I was surprised with a time zone wheel (designed and built by Mike Gilmor).  Mike was another co-worker that also was participating in the conference call.  As it turned out my organizational skills at least concerning time zones needed a lot of work.  Lynn told me people from all over the country and world (BAe) were calling throughout the day to connect to this conference call because I had royally screwed up the time zones confusing everyone.

     I should have been embarrassed but I was laughing so hard I could barely see straight, especially after looking at the time zone wheel (see photo insert).  This makeshift wheel turned out to become a very functional tool which I used until I retired.  The time zone wheel provided such an interesting and funny memory that I kept it after I retired and I now have it hanging in my home office.  Next time someone ask you for a favor claiming "It's no big deal", run, run as fast as you can to the nearest exit.

  

Good Morning, How Ya Doing?

     I like to talk to people, not just people I know, anybody at all, so when I'm out and about, I say "Hi" to strangers.  I have found that most people respond and usually with a smile.  Sometimes I can almost see people thinking, "Do I know that guy?"  Other times I might end up in a conversation sharing laugh with my new acquaintance.  It seems most people are happy to share a greeting or conversation with a stranger.  I've never experienced a negative vibe from any of the strangers that I address.

     My wife (Mimi) tells I'm not the greeter every place I go but I beg to differ.  I'd like to think of myself as the "Ambassador of Greetings" that would be a good title, wait No!  I think "Ambassador of Good Cheer" that's even better; it rolls off the tongue easier.  I proclaim myself the unofficial  "Ambassador of Good Cheer"

     I remember the "Rose Guy" in St Peters, he was an older gentleman that would stand outside by the street holding roses and wave to all the cars diving down Jungermann road.  He worked for a flower shop so I assume he was getting paid but he was friendly and brightened people's day.  It was obvious that he enjoyed what he was doing whether he was paid or not.  In reality he was the first "Ambassador of Good Cheer" but since he is gone I will carry this banner.

     If you watch people you will see some funny things so sometimes a smart or witty comment will get a laugh out of a stranger and I ask you what is better than a laugh to brighten a day. The answer is nothing; a laugh anytime of day is a treasure.  I really think the world would be better off if we shared more laughter with everyone we meet.

     So if you happen upon a stranger greets you or makes a wisecrack, you may have just encountered the "Ambassador of Good Cheer" or at least someone with the same approach to life as me.