Still Funny after All these Years

     People change as they age, it inevitable.  Your looks change, your muscle tone decreases, your hair turns grey (I prefer to call mine “light black”) and thins, etc.  There are however a few traits that seem to stay constant and sometimes improve, one of those is humor. 

     Age tends to slow us down in most areas but humor is an exception.  I was pulling into Home Depot parking lot when I saw a couple (Don & Ruth) leaving the store that I recognized from work, now both retired.  I knew the Don well since we worked together for a number of years.  Don was a really smart guy (retired Air Force Colonel) with a very dry sense of humor. His humor was so subtle that sometimes it took a few seconds for my brain to recognize the joke.

  

     Now I don’t know how old Don is but he retired from Boeing long before me so I suspect he is in his upper 70’s.  I noticed he was moving kind of slow compared to his wife but he’s retired so what’s the rush.  I roll down my window to talk to him as I come around the corner.  At this point it’s important to know that I am driving my alien green Kia Soul (see photo insert).  Now I have stumbled into Don on occasion when I’m out and about in St. Charles but it has been a while since I’ve seen him (maybe a year).   Anyway I yell “How are you doing, Don” and his immediate response was “Picked it before it was ripe, Huh”.  Well as my brain was processing his response I suddenly realized I was driving this bright green car that looked like an un-ripened apple, then I bust out laughing.  I was glad to see Don’s sense of humor was as sharp as ever.

     So you may run faster or jump higher but be careful you could lose a mental battle with a quick witted senior.  "Just Saying..."

Why Circus Performers would be Good Plumbers

     One of my least favorite repairs to do is changing the diverter on the kitchen faucet.  We have a Price Pfister kitchen faucet set, which is guaranteed for life.  That means when something breaks they will send you free parts, that's great but then I have to install them.  Price Pfister is a well-known brand but that's all I will say about that.

     Now I have changed the diverter (see photo insert) on this faucet at least 4 times since we install it.  You would think I could remember the removal and installation quirks after that many repairs.  Well, I do for a while but it’s such a frustrating experience that my mind keeps trying to erase these bad memories.  I retain these memories for a long while but eventually they are erased and that's the exact moment the diverter goes bad.

     Of course there's always a YouTube video to help you through the removal and installation process but they always have the faucet on their workbench while they videotape the process.  The video shows how easy it is and you actually see how the work needs to be done but it's being done on a work bench, I call foul.  I want to see the video with the guy resting his lower back on the ridge of the cabinet bashing his head on the top of the cabinet as he tries to snake himself in to the cavernous opening under the sink then cussing and screaming at the faucet because his back and head are hurting and the hoses won't come off the faucet.  Yea, that’s the video I want to see.

     Now I have learned a few things over the past repairs and that is to get the boat cushion out of the garage and throw it on the floor to support my back, plus you need a small flashlight that you can hold with your teeth so you can see the diverter.  Prior background as a circus performer would help as well, maybe a contortionist that would be ideal.

     The most useful thing I learned from the YouTube video was which way to push the locking device on the hoses.  This helps but being small (5' 6") it's hard to reach up between the two sinks with Cee Lo Green arms.  After finding the appropriate curse words I am finally successful at remove the diverter from the faucet.  Having done this before I did remember to turn off the water and I also knew there would be residual water coming from the faucet when I pulled the diverter off, I just didn't think it would flow out like a fire hose.  At this point I immediately grab for a towel (in the back of my mind I hear my wife saying don't use the good towel) but at this point I'm in recovery mode so anything will due.  So my advice is don't hang your cashmere sweater anywhere near the towel rack when I'm working on the faucet.  After sopping up the residual water I proceed to remove the hoses, ideally this would work best if you had 3 hands (reference circus oddities).  After twisting and tugging to my surprise the first hose releases, Ah Victory!

     After removing the first hose I find the second hose easier to remove but I’m just as surprised as the first when it releases.

      Now it must be time for a beer to celebrate this amazing achievement, Oh Yeah, I need to put it back together; wait just let me enjoy this moment for a minute.  Maybe I should buy a Miners helmet?