Factory Settings

I’ve heard many times that if you have a problem with appliances or electronics the easiest way to solve the problem is to reset the appliance back to the original factory settings. It seems like a good solution since you have probably struggled trying to fix the issue in other ways without success. 

     It’s the perfect backup plan when all else fails. Knowing this gives you some peace of mind. So, Mimi and I were discussing the aches and pains that come with aging. We decided that the best thing to do is have our bodies reset to the original factory settings. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request since we’ve done our best to stay healthy by exercising and eating right. Factory setting are a fail safe.

     So please accept this post as our official request to give our bodies a complete factory reset. And as we all know there have been a number of changes since we first arrived, so if you can please include all the software upgrades that would be appreciated. “Just Saying . . .”

Notice to Grocery Stores

I want to put all grocery stores on notice. Your top shelf is high, especially when the items are all in the back. I’m 5’5” so I can reach the items in the front, but many times the front of the top shelf is barren. It’s likely that you’re store is short on staff so I get that you can’t have a person running around the store pushing all the items to the front of every shelf. 

     Let me tell you about old people. We find a way to get things done. Always have, and always will, road blocks are no big thing. So if you see an old person climbing up the shelves to get their favorite Italian soda, don’t look surprised. Yes, I agree it’s not the smartest thing to do, but remember what I said earlier, we find a way. 

     Now I have a solution, have a few step stools strategically placed around the store. Seniors could use those to get their favorite item from the top shelf.  Yes, of course your lawyers won’t like it. They’ll say that it will only encourage people to use them and it could be dangerous if they fall. The store could be sued. Also true, but if they fall off a display while scaling the shelves, the store could also be sued and it would be a more interesting lawsuit.

     Old people do what old people do. Not to say it’s always a good choice, but it’s worth knowing. Getting step stools is a better choice, because there’s a good chance that old lady climbing the shelf has Morgan and Morgan on speed dial. “Just Saying . . . “

Special Parking Spaces

This morning my wife asked me to go to the grocery store and pick up a few items. Sure, I'll be happy to stop at the Bodega (I'm trying to use more interesting words). She gave me a short list, and I drove off to fill her order.

As I pulled into the parking lot of Schnucks, I drove around looking for the closest spot to the entrance. The best spots were for the handicapped, which is understandable. Hmm, I guess saying handicap is no longer acceptable. I think disabled is the proper word now, but how is that better? It's all very confusing. As I turned down another aisle, there were spots for both Wounded Warriors and Maternity, and who would argue with that. There were also numerous spots for Online Pickup and one for Employee of the Month (recognition for a job well done). 

Screw it. I'll just park on the far side next to the sign. You know, the spot no one wants. I walked to the entrance, dodging shopping carts randomly parked anywhere, because it's too hard to take them to the corral. I waited patiently as guys with big ass trucks decided to back into a parking spot. I suppose everyone would like a fast getaway after they paid $6.00 for a gallon of milk. I walked past cars angled across two parking spaces. Thanks for that. Remember me, I'm parked by the Schnucks sign. 

I finally get to the Bodega (remember, I'm using fancy words) and made my purchases. I pushed my cart to my private Schnucks sign parking spot and unload. Just a note for those of you that have never used the sign parking, there are no cart corrals anywhere near. I could leave the cart on the grass by the sign, but that seems wrong, so I push it back toward the corral when I see someone getting out of their car. They probably need a cart, so I'll offer mine to them. It will save time for both of us, win, win. 

But, she said. "Did you sanitize it?"

"Lady, I parked by the sign. Do you see any of the sanitizers over there?" I pointed to my car.

She squinted. "I can't see that far."

"Nevermind." Then I proceeded on my original path to the corral.

I had no more issues as I returned to my car, except for the two near misses from cars racing down the aisle competing for an open parking spot.

I left the parking lot, and I decided to stop at Home Depot, it's close so I could run in and get some light bulbs without wasting another trip. As I drove into the HD lot, I again searched for a spot to park. They too, have reserved spots for special customers, one for Contractors, another for Ladies Only (WHAT?), and one for a Green Vehicle (Now, my KIA Soul is alien green, but it's not EV). Below the large letters, it said EV Only, so not for my alien green Soul. I decided it wasn't worth the trouble, I mean we have flashlights, so we didn't need no stinking light bulbs. 

As I drove home I thought of a another special space the businesses could reserve. How about making a super wide space for people who can't fit their car between the two white lines. There are people already taking up two spaces anyway so just make it legal. The sign could read, "For People who are terrible at parking".  

Maybe there could have a shuttle to pick up the people that park by the sign and drop them off at the front entrance. "Just Saying . . ."

Night Creatures

The story you are about to hear is true. The city is St. Charles, Missouri. “I live here and these are the facts, just the facts, ma’am.”

I was working the day watch when I found the culprits. They had a busy night. The nights are always busy in this county. Nothing good happens after midnight.

My name is Jimmy and it’s a Friday.

It starts in the sewers, raccoon highways, but it ends in the suburbs with destruction. Don’t be fooled by their cute and cuddly appearance. They’re cunning and destructive. Growing up in the streets is hard and the lessons learned are seared in their brain. Rocky and his crew run with a crowd of bandits. They always wear a mask, but not because of Covid. 

I knew we’d catch them someday, but they’re smart so it wasn’t easy. They let their guard down and that was their mistake. Tripped up by marshmallows and strawberry daiquiri. Sure they lived the high life but it lead them to their end.

We took them off the streets today, but there’s always more. Stay strong and be aware, the bandits work at night.

My name is Jimmy and those are the facts.

Things I’ve learned the hard way

People learn in different ways, some ways are easier than others, but as long as you learn you’re good to go. Although, you’ll have less trouble if you watch and learn versus making mistakes to learn. I’m like most people in that I’ve learned lessons both ways. But as I’ve aged I’m starting to understand it’s less troublesome for me to learn by observing, rather than diving into troubled waters.

     Emotions are tricky and we all have an emotion that is troublesome. Anger and impatience are two that come to mind. Impatience is one emotion that drives anger but there are many triggers for anger. Many people blame others saying, “They made me angry, I can’t help it.” It’s not easy but we always have a choice, so it helps if you reject anger. Yes, it’s possible but difficult. Your anger may be spring loaded to go off, so take baby steps to fix it or any emotion that bothers you. 

     Worry is the emotion that bothers me. I worry about people and events that are usually out of my control. I know worry doesn’t solve the problem, but it still persist even though I push it away. It takes work to fix your emotions but it’s worth the time.

     Choices define your actions and reactions to every situation give you the opportunity to make a new a better choice. Use these opportunities to make a better life for yourself. “Just Saying . . .”

The Devious Tricks of a Kitchen Appliances

Appliances are a time saver, but they seem to have an evil side. Well, evil is a strong term, but definitely a devilish side. Two in particular come to mind.

Let’s start with the toaster. I’m calling it the leader of the devil

appliances. Our toaster has nine settings to achieve the desired color. That alone is troubling because it implies that our society is so particular about toast color that nine choices are needed. For me six is too dark and five is too light, but five and a half is just right. Hmm! That seems familiar. Well, anyway I’ll move on. 

The reality is my toaster knows what I like but frequently screws with

me to show who’s the boss. I say this sincerely because I’ve set the toaster at five and a half, my preferred setting but some days it comes our too dark and at other times too light. I make a mental note and recalculate my setting on my next piece, but when I hear the toaster pop on the second piece, no toast appears. What the hell? Somehow the toast has magically escaped and is lodged half way beyond the tongs. I used the necessary kitchen tools to extract my precious toast and find it’s the perfect color, but in the process of removal, it is in seventeen pieces. So, I’ve made croutons, but they’re hard to butter. Maybe I need to read the operation manual. 

Then I decide to run a toast test. I’ll toast at three settings one, four and a

half, then nine. At setting number one it merely makes the bread stale. The setting four and a half was too light in color. Toasting the bread at nine makes very dark toast but not black. So why is it that I sometimes I get blackened toast at setting five. It must one of life’s mysteries. Despite the issues with the devil influenced toaster, it’s still better than reaching into the oven to pull out a piece of toast. Singeing my arm hairs leaves a nasty aroma in the kitchen and it gives me an uneven tan.

The ice maker is another appliance we frequently use. Remember the ice

trays. Some had levers you could pull up to loosen the ice, others were plastic that could be twisted to release the ice. But the worse were the metal ones that sometimes required you to run hot water on the backside to get the ice out, which seemed counter productive. 

Now we have ice available to us on demand. No more pulling out an ice

tray only to find someone got there before you and left you with an empty tray. Bastard! The automatic ice dispenser is a godsend until it fails and it will eventually fail. We get ice cubes when we want crushed ice and vice versus, sometimes it pukes out ice like a waterfall and other times nothing. These are trivial problems in a world like ours, but everyday problems nevertheless. 

I didn’t include the coffee maker in this post because that would feel like

I was throwing a friend under the bus.

We have a button dependency, expecting everything we desire to appear

at the touch of a finger. So in a sense the malfunction of our appliances is like getting the middle finger from them. “Just Saying . . . .”

 

What the World Needs Now

There could be many answers to this question, but I think it all comes down to taking personal responsibility for your choices. We live in a country with many advantages. I’m sure there will be people who disagree, but if you compare the US with other countries, you have to agree that we are privileged.

     Despite the advantages we have, our country has many problems, some very bad. Many of the problems stem from our privileged lifestyle. Some of us feel entitled and expect to be treated differently than others. We don’t take responsibility for our mistakes but justify them by claiming it’s a personal choice and our right. No one should tell me what to do.

     Guess what, you and only you are responsible for your choices/actions. You risk going to jail if you are caught breaking the law in a foreign country. It’s your fault and your responsibility to know the rules. Don’t expect special treatment because you are a celebrity. You’re just a foreigner who broke the law in another country. Bad things can happen for no reason. Don’t be the reason that bad things happen.

     What would this country look like if more people took personal responsibility for their life? Less crime in every area. Not crime-free, but better.

     “My Body, My Choice” “Me Too” “Black Lives Matter”. All good slogans, but they have one thing in common. They’re all about me, myself and I, not my neighbor, not a friend or co-worker. Until we start thinking about others, we are lost. 

     The most recent mantra is “My Body, My Choice” but what’s not said is the many choices made by the couple before the final one. Personal responsibility, “Just Saying . . .”

Recent news shows the sports celebrity admitted her guilt and took responsibility for her actions. She did the right thing by showing others the way. Hopefully, this will help in negotiating her release.